Good tidings, friends.
Molly recently made her old-person way through Alan Bradley’s Flavia de Luce mysteries, also known as the Buckshore mysteries, also known as the Werther’s caramels of murder mysteries. She didn’t really like them, but she listened to all of them anyway, because when you are old the last thing you need is to learn the names of a whole new group of characters, or for someone to feed you peanut butter for the first time and find the consequences hilarious and then threaten to put a video of it on the internet if you don’t stop rubbing your face on deer poop and dead roaches. If her master chooses to turn her into a tired Youtube cliche, Molly supposes that this latest in a long line of trials must be borne with grace or, at the minimum, by sleeping through it. She’ll be in her bed, which will be under her master’s bed, as she HAS CLEARLY STATED COUNTLESS TIMES. The face she makes whenever her master tries to put it somewhere nice is probably as close to contempt as it is possible for any animal that isn’t a cat to get. At least there are murder mysteries to turn to when the going gets rough.
Anyway. These mysteries.
Molly should have liked them. After all, they are full of things she likes: British countryside, historical setting (just after WWII), a large, decrepit house, a family fallen on hard times, spunky girl characters, murder…
The problem with the books, Molly feels, is that at one point a chicken becomes a beloved indoor pet. Another beloved pet is a bicycle. These are not pets. Chickens are for chasing, bicycles for ignoring. Everyone knows. And that’s the problem that keeps cropping up: no one acts the way these characters act. Who would let a little girl go gallivanting all over a village in the dark when murderers are around (without a dog)? Who would allow a child to have a chemistry lab after she repeatedly tries to poison her sisters (without a dog)? It’s absurd!
Also, (spoiler) there’s a conspiracy afoot. If there’s one thing Molly has a love/hate relationship with, it’s a conspiracy. People love conspiracies because they give order and intention to what would otherwise be senseless chaos, but as the #1 senseless creature in this household, Molly opposes all of that.
So, Molly gives these books a paw…up? down? No? Actually, she just needs to go outside.