Molly Recommends


2011. Ok. Yes.

Molly has made a list of resolutions: in the New Year, there will be no more cage-matches with raccoons that end in torn-out whiskers, or eating frozen deer poop, or gleefully spreading bathroom trash all over the house. Molly will be five in March (probably), which we are all excited about, because we keep hoping age will mellow her out, despite all evidence to the contrary. She’s looking forward to sharing a NY apartment with me sometime this year (fingers crossed); just her, some humans, eighty pounds of dog hair a week, a rat or two, and incessant whining and barking. Exciting!

Recently, I took Molly’s doggy-bank (a real object that exists) to the Coinstar machine, and while I warmed my hands at a trashcan fire with the other hobos, it counted out a whopping forty-four dollars, which were returned to me in the form of an Amazon gift-card. God forbid I donate it to a worthy cause, or give the change to the Salvation Army Santa standing two feet from the machine, looking me over with his gimlet eye. I mean, take your bell and stuff it, right?

Because of our book-buying freeze, Molly couldn’t immediately blow it all on books, as is her wont. Instead she’s making a list of how she wants to spend it when the long winter of our discontent is over. What I’m saying is, if you have something amazing you think Molly (ahem) should read, I’d like to know.

My residency is next week, and Molly’s agreed to help me express how I feel about 2011 right now:


What is this?


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