You guys, I have been having a really hard time figuring out what the lyrics to that newish Jay-Z/Usher song are. Because as I was listening in my car for about the 44th time today, I thought, “Surely—SURELY—these men are not singing an ode to the traditional Scottish cold-remedy.” But they were. Except it’s a euphemism for sex. Of course it is. I cannot wait for the day that I am sick and when I try to google a cold remedy, I get a bunch of results like “Baby dancing to hot toddy” and “Dog drinking whiskey HOT TODDY!!1!!!” and “Hot Toddeez EXPOSED vol. 17”, which is a porn (you don’t say!). In the spirit of helping artists stay away from my colds, I have come up with a list of other things that are not currently metaphors for sex, but could be:
Typing her keys.
Taking the snooze off the alarm.
Lunchbox full of goodies.
Making a deposit in the piggybank. (Piggybanking it).
These are just the things I have come up with looking around my room for 15 seconds. Are they all winners? Absolutely.
To recap, if anyone writes a catchy song about vaporub or Kleenex and it is a euphemism for sex, I will be extremely disappointed in all of you.
Also, for those of you who are nerds like me, the chorus from “Hot Toddy”:
I’m like oh Kimosabe
Your body is my hobby
This ain’t cheatin’ as long as we tell nobody
Tell your girls you’re leaving
I’ll meet you in the lobby
I’m so cold, yeah I need that hot toddy
Hot toddy (hot toddy)
Hot toddy (thought I’d never fall in love, thought I’d never fall in love)